How Do You Realize Your Mindset Is the Problem?

Steficitys Blog: Growth Tips for Women in Their 20s

In 2022, I went through a very hard breakup.

And like with every recovery, I started working on my glow up. I reflected on the things I did well, the things I messed up, and then it hit me: my thoughts were really the ones leading the actions I took in my life. The choices I made, the energy I carried, even the way I showed up, it all started in my mind first.

In 2023, I entered my self-development era.
I was reading everything — The Code of the Extraordinary Mind, Dale Carnegie, Napoleon Hill, and so many others. I was deeply focused, building habits that felt powerful: waking up at 5 a.m., going to the gym, creating hobbies, learning every day, spending time alone to design my own plan for life.

After one year, I truly thought I had figured it out. I felt stronger. Better. Like I had cracked the code.
Until 2025.

The beginning of 2025 taught me something humbling: mindset isn’t something you learn once. Slowly, without even noticing, I stopped reading. I replaced books with YouTube videos about “how to be better” and Pinterest quotes I kept saving but never applying.

I started meeting new people. I got distracted from my goals. I tried to focus into get a circle of people instead of protecting my own direction. And somewhere in that process, I lost myself.

That’s when I realized something important: mindset is not a diet. It’s not a phase. It’s not a season of your life.
If you don’t work on it every single day, like a lifestyle, it fades. It dies.

I fell into the trap of fast, easy motivation. Consuming instead of creating. Feeling inspired instead of DOING SOMETHING. And if you’re in that place right now, please hear this and stop immediately. It doesn’t actually help. It only creates the illusion that you’re changing. Unless, if you are actually applying it, in that case you would be creating more for your life.

But what does it mean to have a good mindset?

If you’ve ever wondered why some people seem unstoppable while others feel stuck, mindset is the reason. A good mindset isn’t just positive thinking, it’s the way your brain processes challenges, shapes habits, and drives your decisions. It’s the inner compass that decides whether you see obstacles as roadblocks or opportunities.

Two people face the same setback. One spirals into self-doubt. The other thinks, “Okay, what’s next?” One person could grow up with an alcoholic or absent father and think, “If my dad was never there, I’m not capable without the help of my parents.” Another person, with the same situation, might think, “If I don’t have them, I will do it myself.” That difference? Mindset.

Why It’s Important for You, as a Girl

Mindset, as a girl, is key. Why? Because it changes the way you are conditioned by the help you receive from other people—family, friends, a boyfriend, someone. And don’t get me wrong, being helped is wonderful.

But in the hardest moments, when you realize you don’t have someone responding the way you want, or giving you the help you need, your mindset is what has to lift you up from there.

A strong mindset becomes your friend. It protects you from negativity, comparison, and self-doubt, while also giving you the courage to rise higher than you ever imagined. With the right mindset, you start to say no to what drains you, instead of feeling guilty for choosing yourself. You take risks even when fear is present, because fear no longer controls your decisions. And most importantly, you learn to believe in your worth, even on the days when no one else reminds you of it.

How to start changing your mindset?

Changing your mindset isn’t about telling yourself “think positive” and hoping it magically works. It’s about small, intentional shifts you make every day.

First start by noticing your thoughts. Pay attention to the ones that repeat, especially the negative ones. When you become aware of them, you gain the power to choose which thoughts you keep feeding and which ones you let go.

Then, learn to reframe your perspective. Instead of telling yourself, “I failed,” try asking, “What did this teach me?” That small change trains your mind to look for growth instead of excuses. Or me, example as I m emotional person, if something makes me feel off, I wonder why it makes me feel this way? Rather than act as I did it before, reacting from anger.

And this point, very important, surround yourself with growth energy. Unfollow what drains you. Step back from environments that make you feel small. Fill your space with people, ideas, books, and content that inspire you. Your mind is a garden, what you water is what grows. Always keep this point as a source, but is not the process of really applying it, don't fall of the consuming trap, and feel like you are advancing but the true honest, you aren't.

Act “as if.” Sometimes your mindset hasn’t caught up to the version of you you’re becoming. So start acting like she already exists. Speak with confidence, move with intention, and make decisions from that place, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. This is the only way. When you are aware of your emotions, reactions, take 3 seconds to pause, and ask, Why makes me feel like this? How I could react in this better way?

And finally, remember this: it doesn’t have to be extreme every single day. What matters is consistency. Make it a lifestyle. Always aspire to grow, and learn how to find happiness and peace within your own mind. That way, even when the worst news comes, you’ll feel the sadness, but you’ll also know there is a tomorrow, and you’ll find a way to make it better.